Hemingway has his classic moment in "The Sun Also Rises" when someone asks Mike Campbell how he went bankrupt.
All he can say is, "Gradually, then suddenly."
That's how depression hits. You wake up one morning, afraid that you're gonna live.
- prozac nation

Monday, August 10, 2009

it's time to move on...

i wish i could turn back the clock to look at you in the passenger seat as you'd lay sleeping and plead for forgiveness, but i know that i'd be inaudible through the veil of dreams…i wanted to play you a song from radio across car wrecks and boredom, so you could believe in me again. but the battery died last year and i don’t know how to begin its repair.

i woke up this morning, thinking about you again.

i can't believe it's almost been a year that you've been gone - ripped away, leaving nothing but a gaping hole in my chest. but i know i'm not the only one who feels like this.

i go to your facebook page from time to time, hoping to find an updated status, wishing that it was just an elaborate 'joke' or misunderstanding. i still can't seem to wrap my mind around the fact that i'll never see you again, touch your skin, hold you, love you. i feel broken and defective without you, like a tin man, still trying to swing my axe, even though my joints are clogged with rust. it's hard when nothing makes sense, i feel so confused and cheated.

as jack says "i wish i could quit you", instead you "quit" all of us. i'm learning, slowly, how to carry on. i don't think i'll ever stop missing you.


Saturday, January 3, 2009

my current plagues and mind fucks...




how seriously spastic my brain is

my lack of meds

a kak new years

...and old years

people who still say "my one friend...", confuse lend and borrow and are adamant that from cape town, they are going DOWN to durban! if you go any further down, you hit ICE!

being second string, back-up, a toy on a string...

realising that ideals you once latched onto, no longer play important roles in your life anymore

trying to figure out how other people tick

lack of impulse control

growing up and having to be responsible...i often wish i could just revert to my much happier 5yr old self